Losing my Religion
by MeridaPevensie
Summary: Spoilers for 5x16 "Dark Side of the Moon" When an Angel starts to lose faith, who do you call? Dean Winchester of course, but he's not got much faith either. Maybe Sam has enough for all 3 of them. Nothing to do with the R.E.M. song of the same name.
1. Losing My Religion

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural. It is owned by CW and Kripke. If I owned it, would I be worrying about tuition, I don't think so. **

**Spoilers: Only for episode 5x16 "Dark Side of the Moon"**

**A/N: I was hoping my muse would ping for this episode and luckily it did! Hope you like!**

"Where are you going?" Sam had asked him when Dean had shoved a silver credit card at him and kicked him out of the Impala, telling him to go get something to eat or buy out the used book store next to the diner. He knew it wasn't the most brilliant idea, but he figured that Roy and his crony weren't going to stick around a town this size too long when they thought there were two dead bodies back in Sam and Dean's motel room.

"Where do you think I'm going?" He said, avoiding the question.

"Dude, you don't even know where he went. He could be in…Peru for all we know."

"Peru? What the hell Sam, why would be go to Peru?" Dean was wondering is that shotgun blast had addled Sam's brains enough that even Joshua couldn't fix them.

"I don't know, the point is he's probably not anywhere nearby. Why bother looking?"

"I just…I get the feeling he's still nearby" that was the truth, the mark on his arm was tingling as it always did when Castiel was in his vicinity "and I can't just leave him like that." The Cas that had disappeared from their room reminded him all too much of the Castiel that he had met in the future, sans the orgies, pills and yoga that is.

"Fine, go find your angel…jerk."

"Bitch" Dean started the car after Sam climbed out of the car. Before Dean drove off he leaned in the window.

"Be careful."

"I always am. If I can't find him I'll come back for some food."

"Right" Sam figured he wouldn't be seeing him anytime soon, he was like a bloodhound on a trail and he would find Castiel. The Impala sailed off down the Main street of the po'dunk town they had been staying in when Roy had found them. Sam stood on the sidewalk trying to decide what he should do now, an idea lit up in his brain and he turned and walked down the sidewalk back the way the Impala had come.

* * *

To anyone else, it would have seemed that Dean was driving aimlessly up and down the streets of this small, hot and dusty Texas town, but in reality he was really playing a giant game of hot and cold with the tingling from the brand on his arm.

Eventually he pulled into parking lot of the local park, as he walked toward the playground he concentrated on the tingling sensation as it built to a feeling like blood rushing back into a disused limb, almost painful in its intensity, like a thousand bees buzzing against his skin. He saw the familiar tan trench coat-clad form sitting on a wooden bench, watching the playground.

"You know," Dean said as he sat down next to Cas on the bench "the last time we were sitting in a park you told me something. You told me that you had doubts, questions, that you weren't sure what was right or wrong anymore. That's all part of being human, Cas. It's the suckiest part of humanity, but sometimes it's the part that helps us the most." Cas sat staring ahead at the children playing on the jungle gym, minutes passed before he spoke.

"Angels are not supposed to question, but I did. That is where I went wrong, but even when I doubted my brothers and sisters I had faith in my father, but now…" he trailed off, his eyes turned Heavenward in a vain search for answers.

"Hey, who said you went wrong?" At Castiel's incredulous gaze he kept speaking "Besides, y'know Raphael and Zachariah and other assorted dicks." The corner of Cas' mouth quirked up in an almost smile.

"I…deviated from the path. That is not meant to happen, but I always had faith that what I was doing was right, that finding my father was the right course of action and now I find that all that searching was for nothing. My father does not care, he would rather allow his creation to be destroyed in a petty war than step in and confront his Angels."

"Dads are like that sometimes. Their kids are screw ups so they blame themselves, but as long as they don't have to confront them then it's not real so they aren't responsible for whatever happens. Maybe your father could benefit from some parenting classes, this passive aggressive shit is sure to be against every rule of raising kids." Dean leaned back against the bench seat and watched Castiel's face, which looked pained and stressed.

"I am sorry Dean. I gave you hope for a solution when there was none."

"Hey, I always though the whole finding God angle was going to be a bust. You don't have to apologize to me." They sat in silence for several minutes, the sound of rusty swing chains, laughing children and the yelling of several boys playing football in an empty field filled the air around them. It was the sound of life and Dean would be damned…perhaps a poor expression, but fitting, before he willingly let this world and that life be destroyed.

"I do not know what to do with myself now. I had a mission before and now… I have nothing." Castiel sounded lost.

"Well there's no reason to go off on your own anymore. Come with me and Sam."

"Where?"

"Anywhere," Dean said, he wanted to add 'forever' to that statement, but continued in a different way "but for now we'll probably go back to Bobby's and regroup."

"I would…like that."

"Good, then get a move on Wing boy. I'm hungry and I left Sam at a diner." Cas raised an eyebrow at his newly acquired nickname, but didn't comment.

As they were nearing the car Dean muttered something along the lines of "good, now I just have to keep him away from drugs, yoga instructors and women." He had a few ideas about how to keep him away from the women at least.


	2. Sam's afternoon

**A/N: What Sam did when Dean left him to look for his angel. **

**Here's hoping I managed to pull off Sam's voice well enough…**

Sam's path brought him back to the motel that Dean and he had been at the night before. The bell on the front door of the check in rang as he walked in. A bored teenage boy stood at the counter, flipping through a magazine at the front counter. Sam walked up to the counter and stood there for several moments with the acne-scarred teen stalwartly ignoring his presence. He cleared his throat loudly and the boy sighed heavily, as if doing his job was the greatest tragedy on the planet, and looked up at Sam.

"Whaddaya want?"

"My brother left something in the room we just checked out of, I came back to find it."

"Name and room number?" he looked disappointed that he was going to have to work.

"Thompson and room 13" and really, staying in room #13, what had they been thinking? It was liking they were asking for something to happen to them. The teen looked over the computer screen at him and pushed him a key.

"Cleaning crew's already been through, so if you don't find what you're looking for go to talk to Lynette in the office by the laundry; she's the only cleaner in today."

"Thanks" Sam said, but the boy was already reading his magazine again and Sam no longer existed to him. He rolled his eyes and sighed exasperatedly as he left the office and walked to room 13. He went in to find the beds made and new towels on the rack. He looked in the trashcan, sure enough it was empty. He growled, frustrated, and locked the door behind him before heading to the cleaning office.

He knocked on the doorframe of the open door before entering. Another teenager, this time a girl with bottle blonde hair, was sitting behind the desk with her legs kicked up, listening to music on her iPod. A cleaning cart was pushed up against one wall. Sam stood in front of the desk for a bit before she opened her eyes and realized he was there. She yanked out her earbuds and dropped the iPod.

"Gosh, I'm sorry. I'm on break, I didn't see you there." She sounded sincerely apologetic and much nicer than the boy he'd previously spoken too.

"No, it's okay. I should have done something to let you know I came in."

"So what can I help you with" the girl batted her eyelashes at him and Sam suddenly realized why she was being so nice to him, he mentally sighed.

"Well, my brother and I were staying here last night and he left this necklace here when we left. It's pretty important to him and I need to get it back. We were in room 13 and the kid at the front desk said you cleaned that room, I looked in it and the necklace was gone so I thought I'd see if you saw it anywhere." She looked at him seriously and then reached down to the desk drawer and pulled out the amulet.

"This necklace?"

"Yes!" Sam nearly shouted in relief "That's it." She looked at him incredulously.

"If it's so important why was it in the trash?"

"Dean was sort of…angry at something and he threw it out, but I know he'll regret it later if I don't get it back. It was a gift to him from me and…" _the only thing I had left of him when he went to Hell because of me, _was what he wanted to say, but that really wouldn't work. "It's important to him" he finished, lamely.

"Yeah, okay, I was just gonna put it in the lost and found at the front desk tonight anyway. Here ya' go" she handed the necklace to him. Sam smiled his most brilliant smile in thanks and she seemed pleased.

"Thanks so much" he said.

"No prob." She went back to her iPod and closed her eyes. Sam walked out of the room after leaving the room key on her desk, not wanted to confront Mr. Teen Angst in the front office again. He looked at the necklace, knowing that Dean wouldn't want it back just yet and so he slipped it on over his head and under his shirt. The amulet was cold against his skin, just like the first time he'd put it on after burying Dean in a pine box. At least this time Dean was still alive.

Sam started walking back the way he came. He was getting pretty hungry and that diner was sounding better every second.


	3. Trying To Keep My Eye On You

**A/N: Okay, totally was not planning a third chapter for this story, but I was asked by one person here on if I could possibly write a sequel and by one person on LJ as well and I decided "What the hell, I need to right something to lighthearted now.**

**In keeping with the title of the fic, this chapter is named after a line from R.E.M.'s song "Losing My Religion" I definitely don't own that song. Also…the story doesn't have anything to do with the song itself actually…I just like R.E.M. titles…**

**Definitely a more light hearted chapter.**

**Spoilers: 5.16 and the episode where Dean gets sent to the future by Zachariah (slaps herself for not remembering the number)**

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Dean knew that he had to keep Castiel from turning into the version he had met in the future and for the most part, it was remarkably easy. Castiel, though let down by his Father, seemed to have absolutely no interest in taking up meditation or Yoga classes and, judging by the absolutely disdainful way he viewed drug use (though not the users themselves) there was little chance that Dean would need to play referee to keep the amphetamine's away from Cas anytime soon.

So, 2 out of 3 were taking care of themselves pretty well for the time being, it didn't mean he wasn't keeping watch from the background.

The only problem was the 3rd part of the equation, women. Orgies were not going to be happening on Dean's watch and that…that was really not something he ever thought he would be thinking. The only problem, was that Cas was so damn nice to women these days. The early days of his cold attitude toward anyone other than Dean had vanished, he was genuinely kind and good-hearted and the fumbling, little-boy nervousness that he displayed with members of the fairer sex made him the main course on the menu for a lot of women.

And Sam wasn't helping the matter.

"Dean, he needs to experience life like a human, let him go out on the town occasionally."

"What if he gets into trouble"

"He's a goddamn Angel, Dean. I think he can take care of himself. Are you so against him being happy? 'cause maybe getting laid might actually cheer him up."

That was the last thing they needed. And damn that sounded cruel, Dean did want Cas to be happy…but Dammit, why couldn't he just be happy with Dean?

Dean did his best to keep Cas out of the clutches of the women they met while on the road, which often meant that he had to stay out of their clutches as well and while he might be a tad sexually frustrated at least no serious incidents occurred for quite some time.

Then suddenly, it was like Cas decided it was time to lose his virginity and he started flirting with every woman in sight.

First, there was the Yoga instructor in Fort Worth. That was 2 of the 3 big no's and Dean got Castiel out of that fitness center as fast as he could ascertain that there was no ghost on the premises.

The next time Cas began flirting was in a bar in Baton Rouge. They had stopped off for a drink after a salt and burn on the other side of town and Cas quickly got her to start making with the free drinks. He was saying all the right lines, probably ones he had learned from Dean and Dean would have been proud if he hadn't been so pissed off. Dean dragged him off pretty quickly, leaving Sam to cheer up the letdown woman and he would have felt jealous at Sam's good fortune if he hadn't been so happy to get Cas back to the hotel room, away from friendly women.

The 3rd and 4th times were with diner waitresses when the three of them stopped for lunch on the road. Dean didn't have to do much to discourage those, since they left after paying the bill and put a few hundred miles between Castiel and those flirty women.

3 days before the 5th time, Sam pulled Dean aside while they were packing up from their last case.

"Seriously man," Sam said in exasperation "Cas isn't 5, let him have some fun."

"That's a bad idea" Dean said with great conviction.

"Just because you won't do anything about your little man-crush doesn't mean Cas has to put up with this passive aggressive shit you're pulling, but I know he will, so I'm telling you to stop."

"Man-crush, what? That's not it at all!"

"Look bro, I wouldn't care if you did something. I'm not going to freak out about sexuality, but seriously you would have to blind not to notice the way you act around Cas."

"I'm telling you, that isn't why I'm doing this stuff. I have a good reason!" Dean argued vehemently.

"Whatever dude, I think you're protesting a little too much. Just…either let him go or make a move, stop jerking him around." Sam had the last word, but only because he high-tailed it back into the motel room to grab his duffel bag, leaving Dean gob-smacked and silently contemplating Sam's words. The Impala had been very silent that afternoon.

They found a new case and 3 days later, they had found the little Japanese imp, a Kappa, that had been causing so much trouble in the town. The children it had kidnapped were returned home unharmed (apparently Kappa didn't eat children as the folklore said and the small creature had been greatly offended by their assertion, he had only wanted playmates). Sam explained that playing with the children was okay, but stealing them from their homes was wrong, thus scolded the shamed creature promised to not do anything of the sort again.

Dean had been pleased with the happy ending that they rarely received when working a case and insisted that they stay another night and go out to dinner.

That was his first mistake.

The second mistake was taking Cas and Sam to a seedy bar afterward to get a drink. He had forgotten the incident with the bartender at some point, but Cas seemed eager to remind him and started up a conversation with the waitress who came over to their table more often than was strictly necessary. After half an hour, it seemed like Cas was going to get a number or perhaps more from the girl and Sam was preening like a proud momma while Dean was glowering into his beer.

"Are you alright, Dean?" Cas asked curiously.

"Yeah, fine." He muttered back.

"You do not look fine" Cas looked at him with that piercing stare and Dean couldn't take it anymore. He was going to keep Cas away from women and if he had to admit to some less than heterosexual thoughts then he was damn well going to do it.

"No, Cas, I'm not okay. You're sitting over there flirting with anything female on two legs while I'm sitting right here and you never even give me a second glance. I thought we were supposed to have some sort of connection, but I was obviously wrong." He glared at Cas strongly and waited for a response.

The bright grin that lit up Cas' face at that moment was not the response he was expecting at all. Cas leaned across the booth and pulled Dean's face to his for a long kiss that tasted of whisky, Cas' drink of choice, and sunshine.

"Finally" Sam said in the disgusted tone of one who has been waiting a long time for something to happen and was beginning to think the only answer was locking his brother and the angel in a broom closet together. "I'll just get my own room tonight." Dean didn't respond and then suddenly they were gone, Cas airlifting them back to the hotel room without breaking the kiss. Sam blinked rapidly and then sighed. "I guess I have to walk back."

He stood up and put money down for the drinks. He was putting on his coat when the sound of fluttering wings caused him to turn around. Cas was not there, but on the table were the keys to the Impala along with a post-it note that said:

_You break my baby and I will __**break**__ you – D._

Sam grinned and reminded himself to thank Cas later.

* * *

Dean woke the next morning feeling sore, sated and inordinately pleased with himself. He reached across the bed, but instead of finding Cas next to him he found an empty place in the bed, still warm, but empty and that was not cool. He stood and found a pair of jeans in his duffel before opening the door of his motel room to look for Cas, who couldn't have gone far.

He was right. Cas was standing at Sam's room door talking to Sam.

"You were right Sam, making Dean jealous had the right effect. I'm sorry I did not believe you before, it just too time."

"Yeah, well, you're welcome. Get back to him before he wakes up" he turned to go in the room and Cas turned to leave. "Oh and Cas?" Cas stopped and turned "If he ever finds out that I helped you play him, you are going to owe me big time."

Dean smirked as he shucked his jeans and climbed back into bed. Oh yeah, Sam was going to pay for that, but not before he undressed his angel again…at least once.


End file.
